Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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