Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
