oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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