Tell her she can't have a vagina
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
