i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
