LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
