three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
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He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
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He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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