he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
