I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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