I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
