You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
