Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
