i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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