Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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