No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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