Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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