did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
