Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
