Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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