I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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