i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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