I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
