i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
