I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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