You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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