you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My liver just had a heart attack.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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