Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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