Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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