her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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