i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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