Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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