I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
