he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
