How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
