Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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