If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
