I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
