The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
