That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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