Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
