o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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