when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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