It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
