im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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