can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
