I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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