i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
