the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
