yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
