everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
