you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
