The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
