I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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