its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
