I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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