I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
