If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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