Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
