Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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