just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
