it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
